As I sit in expectation of a delightful dinner, it occurs to me that not even two years ago I would have felt pangs of guilt upon having a plate of food placed in front of me. I would’ve felt embarrassed, ashamed even. I spent such an enormous portion of my life striving to look different — i.e. to lose weight — and with that came unnecessary amounts of time spent on hating myself, especially when I ate. My mind would scream at me, expressing the obvious fact that food was not the antidote to my big belly. To say I am happier now would be an understatement. It isn’t just that the guilt is gone, or the embarrassment amiss. It’s that in the places where these self-deprecating characteristics used to live I now house a sense of pride and self-love. I’ve said this before, but I still often surprise myself. In the scheme of life, the universe and everything, two years isn’t long — definitely not as long as I would’ve thought was needed to re-vamp that old and stubborn mindset that strived to be thin.
Because I’ve just felt such a sense of surprise, I want to send out a very large expression of gratitude — gratitude to those I know personally, particularly those select few who have supported and encouraged my journey — that journey which has ultimately revealed that I am infinitely happier now, being chubby, than I ever was being thin — gratitude for those I don’t know but who have read and commented on these posts, giving me some kind of sense that someone somewhere does care about a goofy girl’s musings — and gratitude to those bloggers whom also post pro-plus size posts, because I know that regardless of the sudden explosion of pro-plus-size cyberspace communities, it isn’t easy to openly admit to loving your own fat body, or that of someone else’s — it isn’t easy to say you love anything with the word “fat” in it if we’re being honest…unless that something is “Fat Tuesday” but who doesn’t love Mardy-Gras related activities?
Anywho, I’ve found some bloggers who’ve posted photos that have really meant a lot to me — photos that I think express the things I try to express. We all know a picture can say a thousand words, so please check out these pix and the blogs that go along with them — you may find, like me, that a lot of people do get it. A lot of people do get what it’s like to like something that you’ve been taught shouldn’t be liked at all.
Courtesy of “Mss Dmnt“
Courtesy of “Chubby by Choice“
Courtesy of “BBW Love“
Courtesy of “Siuila Ruin is Moving“
Courtesy of “What Kind of Fuckery is This?“