I love everything about the autumn. Something about this time of year is so memory inducing that it’s sad — but not in a tragic, morose kind of way. Just in that way that makes you look back upon your childhood or adolescence — look back at a time when your imagination was enough to help you cope with the world — with fondness and nostalgia. I remember being a kid and knowing the second it was really fall. The scent. The air. The feel. It was — is — my favorite season. And though there is something of a spookiness to November — a chill you often mistake for impending doom — it’s a beautiful time.
The end of each year is, in a lot of ways, the best. You can reflect on everything that’s happened the previous 10 months; you can imagine what will happen next; you can hope and dream and recall and dissect. And maybe you’re saddened by the things that could’ve gone smoother from January to October. Maybe you’re saddened by the “what if’s” and “if only’s.” But another year isn’t far off. Another chance. Another opportunity to be better and do better.
This year was a big one for me, filled with so many changes. Graduating N.Y.U. and leaving the city, moving across the ocean and moving in with my boyfriend, starting an MA in a country I didn’t know with people completely different to me in every integral way. And it wasn’t perfect. It was flawed. Parts of it were, I would even go so far as to say, broken. And yet, I wouldn’t change any aspect in the least.
I don’t know. I’ve always been chastised for my over-sensitivity — for thinking too much and feeling too much and crying too much. I’ve been told it’s wrong — that it’s going to make life harder. That it makes me look weak and childish. But It doesn’t feel wrong in the autumn. Everything is over-sensitive this season. The weather. The leaves. So I guess…maybe…that’s why I love it so much. It’s the one season that doesn’t seem antagonistic.
To be honest, this year and last were probably the two hardest years of my life. And I don’t know what I’ve learned from them. I haven’t figured it out. I hope I do someday, though. And something about this time of year — this month in particular — makes me feel that that’s a possibility. Like I’m not far from knowing what the point of it all was. Or whether there was no point at all, and it was just life. In the simplest of ways.
And because this is a style blog…
Get the look:
Moto Vintage Borg Denim Jacket, TopShop, $95
Hunter Original Tall Rainboots, Hunter, $140
Cord Pinafore Dress in Green, ASOS, $62